No Holds Barred.
In a post I'm putting in various places around the Internet, I figured I would share with you something.
I had planned a post about September 11th, but that kinda got scrapped. Plus I felt like what I was saying was more so things that were just repeated from various other people. I also stumbled across a post I started while I was still in school, which I had NO idea about. My goal is to get back into updating this blog, and I had two posts written down.
With this one post, I'm erasing that idea.... you'll see why in a minute. But just know that to have someone in your life that infects you with hatred and a feeling of insufficient success is not your fault. Only you control the destiny of your life, including your happiness. : )
Last two weeks, life at home has been.... bad. Very bad. I felt like I could do nothing right at all, every action I took was criticized, I felt like I was to blame for stuff, and no matter what, happiness was something that was desired, but not happening. I took to Facebook, trying to figure a way to just get out of here, to become myself again. But it seemed like no matter what I did, it was this far-off thing to be desired.
I woke up this morning, and I smiled, for the first time in probably 3 weeks. I laid in bed for the 2 hours I normally do (alarm goes off at 8am. Why? Just because) looking at my computer, checking Facebook, Tumblr, refreshing YouTube like I normally do, waiting for something. And then my phone went off. A friend, a friend I've leaned on heavily these last few weeks, texted me. We started talking about road trips, and vacations, and places to go. And through that entire conversation, this mindset, the one I'm in right now, began to set in:
It doesn't matter what others around you try to do to you. The world today, it's full of people who may try to bring you down. They see your happiness, your desire, and decide to bring you down. It's almost like a bully mentality... If they aren't happy, then you aren't happy either.
For what it's worth, things could be worse. I'm fortunate to be able to be where I am, living where I am, having the support I need. But just because I have that support, does NOT mean I have to succumb to the wishes and desires of someone because they wave a dollar bill in my face. I take responsibilities for my actions, my life, what I want to do. But it is not my fault that you cannot say no, and from this day forward, I refuse to become your pick because I'm happy and you're not.
I'm in my life for the long haul. Only I can take care of myself. I live my life, for ME, not for you. And if my happiness makes you upset, then OK, fine. Let it happen. But I refuse to let you control me anymore.
I vow, to myself, to live my life, for me. It won't be much longer anyway before I sincerely go back to living my life, for me. I can do what I want, go where I want, and live my life as I want, without feeling like every breath I take is a passage for judgment and criticism for you. No matter what happens from here, I will be happy, and above all, I will be myself. And that is how it is going to be.
So continue to critique me for "not cleaning my room" when my room is virtually spotless. Continue to critique me for "not checking with my grandma." I call her once or twice a week, I make sure she is well provided for, and I do a hell of a lot more than you do, and you've lived closer to her a lot longer than I have. And, above all, blame me for the reason why you don't have any money. Because when I'm gone, you'll no longer have an excuse as to why you "don't have any money" (when the truth is, you have TONS of it, but you just claim to not have it). I'm taking all that belongs to me with me, and you can be here... alone, with no responsibilities. Just like you do NOW, and like you clearly want.
I resolve to be happy. I resolve to be myself. I most certainly resolve to not let your controlling ways, and your need to infect others around you, affect my life, goals, and ability to be myself. Hate it all you want to, but I'm myself, not what you want me to be. That's how life is. Deal.
Kay thanks!
So if I write another angry/sad/upset post, I guarantee it'll be about something else, like my car dying, or, I dunno, the end of Facebook or something. But not about this person. Cause that's just not how I function. Done deal.
I had planned a post about September 11th, but that kinda got scrapped. Plus I felt like what I was saying was more so things that were just repeated from various other people. I also stumbled across a post I started while I was still in school, which I had NO idea about. My goal is to get back into updating this blog, and I had two posts written down.
With this one post, I'm erasing that idea.... you'll see why in a minute. But just know that to have someone in your life that infects you with hatred and a feeling of insufficient success is not your fault. Only you control the destiny of your life, including your happiness. : )
Last two weeks, life at home has been.... bad. Very bad. I felt like I could do nothing right at all, every action I took was criticized, I felt like I was to blame for stuff, and no matter what, happiness was something that was desired, but not happening. I took to Facebook, trying to figure a way to just get out of here, to become myself again. But it seemed like no matter what I did, it was this far-off thing to be desired.
I woke up this morning, and I smiled, for the first time in probably 3 weeks. I laid in bed for the 2 hours I normally do (alarm goes off at 8am. Why? Just because) looking at my computer, checking Facebook, Tumblr, refreshing YouTube like I normally do, waiting for something. And then my phone went off. A friend, a friend I've leaned on heavily these last few weeks, texted me. We started talking about road trips, and vacations, and places to go. And through that entire conversation, this mindset, the one I'm in right now, began to set in:
It doesn't matter what others around you try to do to you. The world today, it's full of people who may try to bring you down. They see your happiness, your desire, and decide to bring you down. It's almost like a bully mentality... If they aren't happy, then you aren't happy either.
For what it's worth, things could be worse. I'm fortunate to be able to be where I am, living where I am, having the support I need. But just because I have that support, does NOT mean I have to succumb to the wishes and desires of someone because they wave a dollar bill in my face. I take responsibilities for my actions, my life, what I want to do. But it is not my fault that you cannot say no, and from this day forward, I refuse to become your pick because I'm happy and you're not.
I'm in my life for the long haul. Only I can take care of myself. I live my life, for ME, not for you. And if my happiness makes you upset, then OK, fine. Let it happen. But I refuse to let you control me anymore.
I vow, to myself, to live my life, for me. It won't be much longer anyway before I sincerely go back to living my life, for me. I can do what I want, go where I want, and live my life as I want, without feeling like every breath I take is a passage for judgment and criticism for you. No matter what happens from here, I will be happy, and above all, I will be myself. And that is how it is going to be.
So continue to critique me for "not cleaning my room" when my room is virtually spotless. Continue to critique me for "not checking with my grandma." I call her once or twice a week, I make sure she is well provided for, and I do a hell of a lot more than you do, and you've lived closer to her a lot longer than I have. And, above all, blame me for the reason why you don't have any money. Because when I'm gone, you'll no longer have an excuse as to why you "don't have any money" (when the truth is, you have TONS of it, but you just claim to not have it). I'm taking all that belongs to me with me, and you can be here... alone, with no responsibilities. Just like you do NOW, and like you clearly want.
I resolve to be happy. I resolve to be myself. I most certainly resolve to not let your controlling ways, and your need to infect others around you, affect my life, goals, and ability to be myself. Hate it all you want to, but I'm myself, not what you want me to be. That's how life is. Deal.
Kay thanks!
So if I write another angry/sad/upset post, I guarantee it'll be about something else, like my car dying, or, I dunno, the end of Facebook or something. But not about this person. Cause that's just not how I function. Done deal.
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