The Health & Fitness Blog I Didn't Need to Write.

“You look like you’re not eating enough.”

“Are you eating anything?”

“You should eat more, you look too thin.”

“You look too thin.”

On the inverse:

“You’re starting to let yourself go.”

“Yeah, you’re starting to look fat around the mid-section…”

“Are you working out?”

“You look like you could stand to lose a few pounds.”

It’s pretty sad to say that I’ve sat on both sides of the table on this one, and have heard these quotes from people in and out of my family at various points of my life since weight could actually be effective. I’d be lying if I said on either side of the coin, it didn’t – and doesn’t – affect me.

The first time I can remember hearing it goes back to when me, my mom, and my dad would come to California to visit from Georgia. I hit a major growth spurt in middle school and high school, and along those same lines didn’t gain a whole lot of weight to accompany it. Naturally it wasn’t something I would think about. At the time, my mom wasn’t totally anti-sweets, but at the same time I couldn’t just go off-the-wire and eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I had the standard 3 meals a day, mostly balanced, what-have-you. 

My grandmother comes to mind here. Mind you, she and I didn’t have the best of relationships, but I can always remember her asking me if I was “eating anything.” She thought I was way too skinny. I needed some meat on my bones. 

Effectively my mom told her to buzz off, and told me to ignore her. 

As I progressed through high school, I kinda evened out, I guess you would say. I was in Marching Band, which does necessitate some muscle growth, mostly in the legs. Still though, I was pretty well proportioned. 

Even after my mom died, my eating habits didn’t change much. I didn’t take to food as a coping mechanism, although fast food became more of a staple in our household on days when Dad didn’t want to cook. Chick-fil-a showed up in Camden County at this time too, and that became my new-found-love. And it just so happened that GSU had one on-campus, AND I could use a meal plan there!

This is when things began to tip to the other side of the scale…. Literally. 

When I moved out, and moved off to school, I quickly realized that 3 meals a day wasn’t going to cut it. I was already at the point to where I had effectively cut out Breakfast from my diet, or at least a bowl of cereal. Cereal Bars, Nutri-Gran Bars, granola bars, or basically anything on-the-go became more of the norm for me; something quick to grab on my way out the door, and something I can hold in one hand, and drive with the other. 

When I went off to school, these transitioned more into snack foods, and I basically cut out breakfast. But I was still pretty mobile, thanks to a hefty mountain bike that I rode EVERYWHERE, so it wasn’t necessarily a worry of mine. 

But as the years went on, I began to notice that the pants I had started to fit less, things got tighter, I even moved into a different shirt size. All these things kinda frightened me at first, but whenever I looked in the mirror, I felt like I LOOKED okay. It wasn’t anything staggering to me, so I left it alone.

When I got kicked out of the music department, that seemed to be a huge turning point. 

I didn’t balloon out of control, but it’s pretty safe to say that I definitely gained some weight over my 5-year tenure as a student at Georgia Southern University. I didn’t become sedentary though, I was still pretty active. So whether or not it’s muscle-based, well, that’s to be determined.

But I say all of that to say that I started to hear the other quotes, now mostly coming from select family members. Some of those people were the same ones who told me I was “too thin” or “too skinny.” To say I was conflicted and confused would be a gross understatement.

I worked out a bit in college, but it wasn’t anything I took too seriously. I didn’t have time….. I was too tired…. I didn’t have anyone to go with…. blah blah blah blah blah. Basically, we can say those are effective excuses that I could use to justify not going, and almost believe them. OR, I’d really be too busy to even give it a second thought.

It wasn’t until December 27^th, 2012, my 24^th Birthday, when I was sitting at home watching TV and I really began to think about the whole gym life and health and fitness lifestyle. When I made the trek Out West, I went to the gym almost immediately upon landing out here. The thing is, I was still in resentment mode for falling into the trap I fell into and having to be out here in the first place. My mind wasn’t in the set of actually making a difference to my body at the gym; I merely was using it as a means to get out of the house every day. Compound that with the fact that I was having to pick up my niece and nephew from school 5 days a week, and I didn’t even make it 2 months in the gym. 

I literally went to the gym from July 18^th through August 31^st. And then I stop. I just…. stopped going. My excuses this time fell along the lines of being tired from picking up my niece and nephew from school, and that the time I had to pick them up conflicted with my gym time….. or that I wanted to use what alone time I did have to “get things done at home” (which in reality involved a lot of Social Media and a lot of sitting in a chair…. real productive). Basically they’re just excuses.

By the time December hit, I literally was a potato, I feel. I started mulling over getting back into the gym in 2013, and starting over again for what felt like the n-th time. But on my birthday, I got to thinking about it, and I wondered…. 

Why was I waiting until 2013? Why not start today?

The next day, I packed my gym bag, and headed to 24-Hour Fitness.

The journey hasn’t been met without struggles. I said if I could make it 60 days, and then be able to keep going, that I would be rather proud of myself. That alone would (probably) surpass any amount of time in my past that I had spent going to a gym consecutively. 

It was off-putting for me to have to start over. When I WAS going to the gym before I had been making several gains in the direction I wanted to go. I hated thinking about the fact that I’d lost all that progress. BUT, I kept going, no matter how badly my body wanted me to quit. 

I hit a brick wall after March. I was pretty consistent there, going to the gym 4 to 5 days a week, and was thinking of stretching it to 6 days a week before I hit this huge wall. Several things came up, and it kinda throttled me back down, unfortunately. Because of my limited free time (remember, I’m still picking up my niece and nephew from school at this point), I had to start juggling my time between helping my parents with the Little League program they volunteer for, picking up the kids, and then still try and squeeze in the gym with the free time I had. 

I just burned myself out. 

I slacked off a bit, and I lost the energy to go. It came down to a point when I could feel myself “slipping” as I call it. But, I took to my phone and I started talking to my friends Back East. Even though I’m technically going this journey alone, which has definitely taken some adjusting to my desires, I look to those I text for energy and support. 

They’re the ones who helped me to somewhat get back on track. It basically took 2 and a half MONTHS, but I feel like now I’m slowly getting back on track again.

It’s gotten boring at times. I’ve had weeks when I’ve only been able to go to the gym one day. But, I’ve gone. I’ve have been in the gym every week since December 27^th, 2012.

The one thing I haven’t really done though is to look at the food I’m eating. My parents make it really easy to snack on things at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes, will power loses out when you feel hungry at 9pm. 

Lately though, I’ve begun to think about that, and what changes I can make. It’s difficult though, because I’m not necessarily able to necessitate what I eat. While my stepmother understands fully what I want to do and where I’m coming from, I feel like my dad doesn’t. She’ll attempt to cater to what I’m looking to do, while Dad just goes for the glory and just makes food come to life.

The one thing that’s hard is moderation. While it’s something that’s definitely possible, when the food is good, it’s hard to moderate. When you live in my family, moderation with the food is basically a difficult task to accomplish. While it can be done, it takes a lot of willpower and saying no…. something that this family makes difficult to do. 

I know that to make it to the next step, and effectively drop the weight I want to drop, I’m going to have to change up my diet. I’m wanting to lower my carb intake, up the protein a bit. Instead of junk, more fruits (side note: I love pineapple!), more vegetables (top favorite is definitely broccoli, I’ve found out), and just generally more good stuff, but healthier at the same time. That’s my ideal goal.

This is going to require my own kitchen though. 

I’m already at the point where I want to do it. I’ve tested myself over the last few weeks, and I’ve done well. Even on the moderation front, I’ve gotten a lot better. One thing I’m doing, albeit small, is to eat something in the morning, to get the metabolism pumping. It helps that I have to eat something when I take my multi-vitamin in the mornings as well. 

ONE THING I’M SO PROUD OF IS THAT I’VE EFFECTIVELY KICKED MY SODA ADDICTION. 

I use to drink soda, literally, all the time. I can thank a certain someone for getting me addicted to Mountain Dew, but I already had a huge problem with Root Beer, and I discovered Coke Zero at the same time. Literally the worst things that could happen happened. I was able to kick the soda part well before I left Georgia, but it was still something I’d indulge in when I was out here, mostly because all my parents had in the fridge was water, or soda. Given that I didn’t want to drink water, I’d drink the soda. 

When I landed out here, I swore off soda entirely, again for the 2^nd time in my life. Last time I went 11 months without touching a soda of any kind, instead replacing my soda desires with sweet tea. In hindsight that probably wasn’t the best idea, but when you’ve got a friend who makes the most amazing sweet tea under the sun, it’s hard not to resist (i.e., no willpower). This time, when I got here, there was no Cody’s Sweet Tea to replace my soda. I literally went cold turkey; I knew it was all or nothing, and that if I was going to truly do it, I needed to start then. 

Of course it started off with good intentions, but when I stopped going to the gym, I picked up the soda again. I justified it by saying there was no Gatorade in the house, and I didn’t want to hog the water from my parents. But even that seemed stupid in time, and didn’t make sense, so I was able to drop the soda again and not look back. This time, though, instead of just saying the hell with it forever, I adopted a different approach. I limited myself to ONE bottle or can of soda for every month. That actually was a lot easier to handle, because it got to the point where I started drinking a lot more water, to where it stretched out much further than that. 

I drank my first root beer in a year a couple of days ago, and God know when I’ll have another one again. There have been a couple of times when we’ve gone out to dinner and I’ve gotten a Sprite or a Coke, but in those cases I never even finished a single glass across dinner. And, thankfully, there was always a lot more ice than soda, something I never thought I’d be thankful for. : ) Although, I can say, when we went out for dinner on my Dad’s birthday, I got a Raspberry Iced Tea. I have to say, that was pretty good.

 

While I know my journey is just beginning, I’m excited to think of where I can go from here. Sure, I have my moments. Like right now, I find myself excited at the END of a workout, and I’m dragging my feet into the gym and struggle to get started. But, I’m going. And I’m there in the gym. This week (and as I’m probably posting this on a Friday Morning, I’m gonna say it) I’ve gone to the gym 4 days consecutively. Tuesday through Friday. I haven’t done that since April. I’m at the point now to where I want to aim for getting into the gym 5 consecutive days…. Basically I’m aiming for Monday through Friday. I don’t feel so anxious at the gym anymore, and going it alone allows me to focus on myself and what I’m doing, so I don’t mind so much anymore. Of course, I know my whole schedule will get thrown for a huge loop when I do finally land a job, but I’ll simply adjust to what I need to do. If that job takes me out of California, I’ll hopefully be able to land in an Apartment Complex that has a gym I can work out in. That is where my mind is focused right now. 

I still have some demons to fight. I still like to late-night snack before bed. I have a sweet tooth that refuses to go away. It’s difficult at times to turn down a Venti Frappuccino from Starbucks (especially now that they have this Caramel Ribbon Frappuccino…. DEAR GOD THOSE THINGS ARE AMAZING). There’s the thing known as the Doritos Locos Taco, and I love me an Apple Fritter donut or two. BUT, the point is… I’m trying my best. And even with the abovementioned, it’s not as if I do it every day. I’m getting to the point now to where I’m just tired of it. If I can’t justify it, I won’t do it. It also helps that I don’t have a lot of money to spend, and what money I do have…… It’s more important to put gas in my car with that money than it is to go buy some junk food with it.

So basically I just used this to say that I’m in the beginnings of what I hope to be a long, but generally amazing, body-changing journey ahead of me. I can look and feel the different muscles building on my body, which that alone feels great. (Note: I’m not trying to become this muscle-swollen human, but a few couldn’t hurt here and there.) I’m making gains in the cardio area. And I’ve added outside walking with my stepmother consistently 5 days a week (when she’s here, of course). All that’s missing from this equation is the diet, which, like I said, I have the desire, just not the means right now.

Note: Save the blog-writing for daylight hours, not 1:30am. Although, at least what food I ate at 9pm has had the time to digest, hopefully. : )

Until the next blog…