Blasting the Past.
I feel like my last blog post was rather therapeutic for me. It got out a lot of things I'd been thinking about, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could think with a clear head. I've had the occasional setback, but now I feel pretty confident.
A few days ago, though, I got to thinking about someone from my past again, and the actions to cause said thoughts. It was one of those lessons in which I gained a lot of knowledge. It was one of the first circumstances of a heartbreak from a friend, really. I find myself from time-to-time thinking about it, mostly just out of wonderment. I can only wonder what would have been different had things not happened like they did. I've talked about it here before, but I never really detailed it out. It shouldn't really matter, but I just want to get it out of my head and somewhere else.
Me and this friend..... he and I met in middle school, probably 7th Grade or so. He was cool, I was always in need of a new friend, and we clicked instantly, like many kids our age do. I met his mom, who was also cool, and he met my mom, who he thought was cool. His mom would come and pick me up during the summer in 8th Grade, and we always had fun doing whatever. My mom would do the same thing, and it got to a point where the 4 of us (my mom and me, him and his mom) would spend a lot of time at the bowling alley together.
Fast forward to 11th Grade, the immediate school year after my mom passed away. We'd been friends all through this time, although now things were different. I was full-fledged into Marching Band, and he was runnin' with the Popular Crowd. We had hang-ups going into this year, something different for us, I guess. We argued over a girl (which I find laughable now), and he wanted to "take time away from one another", which again, in hindsight was funny too, as at that point I didn't hang out with him much nor see him all that often other than at school (we had different classes). Literally feeling attached, I always backed down and let him have his way. Do whatever for your friends, right?
Around Thanksgiving time I felt the tension rise between us. At that point I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew something was up. It was after that that I received an e-mail from him.... I wish I still had it, but I deleted it long ago, as it was time to not harbor that one. But from what I can remember....
He called me a fake person.
He called me a user.
He brought up instances from the past that I thought was us joking around, that he had instead taken seriously and was a reason to show I wasn't a good friend.
He brought up instances where he took my side over another friend to "work on our friendship" together.
He basically said that I was a bad person and he didn't want to be associated with me. He didn't wan to be my friend anymore and like the person I was I literally fell apart. This was someone I called my best friend, and to see this was literally like my 16-year-old world was falling apart. So like the person I was, I sent him back an e-mail literally groveling at his feet. It was literally the most pathetic thing on the planet.
The best was yet to come. Until that point, I'd never faced a bully situation or ever been bullied. Sure I was picked on for having a non-Southern accent. Sure I was picked on for walking fast and playing Clarinet. But I never was bullied.
He bullied me for a long period of time.... shoving me down the hall, knocking books out of my hands, trying to turn MY friends against me, shoving me into lockers, spreading rumors and lies.... it was pretty crappy. Also, let me remind you that I was still grieving over my mom's death at this time too. But I guess the silver lining here is that none of the gimmicks worked, none of my friends turned on me, and his true colors shone through and proved that my loss was actually my gain.
About 2 months later, after 2 trips to California for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I get an IM from him wanting to talk, which obviously I entertained because I wanted to hear it from himself. It lead to a long conversation, which was filled with the usual apologies, the excuses, the reasonings behind his actions, and asking for forgiveness and a return to what was the past.
Quite naturally, I said no. From the moment of the e-mail, through the bullying and the lies and rumors, to me his objective was to demean me and make me less than... and that wasn't okay. No friend of mine does that, and to trying and forget that would be laughable. To me, at best he was an acquaintance, and at the worst was someone I'd rather not see nor associate with. It was probably more dramatic-sounding than that, but meh... it was high school. And while I've wondered what the alternative would have looked like, given the results of my decision, I couldn't be happier with what I did. Definitely, I do not regret it.
It doesn't matter what you're going through.... you don't blame your friends for your problems. Again, I was dealing with my mom's death, but you did not see me taking my problems and aggressions out on everyone around me. If anything, I leaned on them for that support that I needed, instead of pushing them away and blaming them for everything. When he did that, he showed me his true colors, and in that moment of clarity, it made him someone I didn't want to associate with.
You may wonder "What about all those fun memories between you two?" I have plenty of pictures to lean on to look back on (as well as the memories themselves). I always think fondly of him and I wouldn't wish anything but the best for him in his future. But when you decide to blame others for your transgressions, it's time to take a look at yourself.
I moved on without him. It was a lesson learned for me to those around me as well, as I only had one more experience with a friend breaking my trust down (and that blog is super recent). The point is, given how my life's turned out, I'd say I'm the lucky one here. : )
Alright, that's out of my brain. Always need clear thinking space, me thinks.
Until next time.
A few days ago, though, I got to thinking about someone from my past again, and the actions to cause said thoughts. It was one of those lessons in which I gained a lot of knowledge. It was one of the first circumstances of a heartbreak from a friend, really. I find myself from time-to-time thinking about it, mostly just out of wonderment. I can only wonder what would have been different had things not happened like they did. I've talked about it here before, but I never really detailed it out. It shouldn't really matter, but I just want to get it out of my head and somewhere else.
Me and this friend..... he and I met in middle school, probably 7th Grade or so. He was cool, I was always in need of a new friend, and we clicked instantly, like many kids our age do. I met his mom, who was also cool, and he met my mom, who he thought was cool. His mom would come and pick me up during the summer in 8th Grade, and we always had fun doing whatever. My mom would do the same thing, and it got to a point where the 4 of us (my mom and me, him and his mom) would spend a lot of time at the bowling alley together.
Fast forward to 11th Grade, the immediate school year after my mom passed away. We'd been friends all through this time, although now things were different. I was full-fledged into Marching Band, and he was runnin' with the Popular Crowd. We had hang-ups going into this year, something different for us, I guess. We argued over a girl (which I find laughable now), and he wanted to "take time away from one another", which again, in hindsight was funny too, as at that point I didn't hang out with him much nor see him all that often other than at school (we had different classes). Literally feeling attached, I always backed down and let him have his way. Do whatever for your friends, right?
Around Thanksgiving time I felt the tension rise between us. At that point I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew something was up. It was after that that I received an e-mail from him.... I wish I still had it, but I deleted it long ago, as it was time to not harbor that one. But from what I can remember....
He called me a fake person.
He called me a user.
He brought up instances from the past that I thought was us joking around, that he had instead taken seriously and was a reason to show I wasn't a good friend.
He brought up instances where he took my side over another friend to "work on our friendship" together.
He basically said that I was a bad person and he didn't want to be associated with me. He didn't wan to be my friend anymore and like the person I was I literally fell apart. This was someone I called my best friend, and to see this was literally like my 16-year-old world was falling apart. So like the person I was, I sent him back an e-mail literally groveling at his feet. It was literally the most pathetic thing on the planet.
The best was yet to come. Until that point, I'd never faced a bully situation or ever been bullied. Sure I was picked on for having a non-Southern accent. Sure I was picked on for walking fast and playing Clarinet. But I never was bullied.
He bullied me for a long period of time.... shoving me down the hall, knocking books out of my hands, trying to turn MY friends against me, shoving me into lockers, spreading rumors and lies.... it was pretty crappy. Also, let me remind you that I was still grieving over my mom's death at this time too. But I guess the silver lining here is that none of the gimmicks worked, none of my friends turned on me, and his true colors shone through and proved that my loss was actually my gain.
About 2 months later, after 2 trips to California for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I get an IM from him wanting to talk, which obviously I entertained because I wanted to hear it from himself. It lead to a long conversation, which was filled with the usual apologies, the excuses, the reasonings behind his actions, and asking for forgiveness and a return to what was the past.
Quite naturally, I said no. From the moment of the e-mail, through the bullying and the lies and rumors, to me his objective was to demean me and make me less than... and that wasn't okay. No friend of mine does that, and to trying and forget that would be laughable. To me, at best he was an acquaintance, and at the worst was someone I'd rather not see nor associate with. It was probably more dramatic-sounding than that, but meh... it was high school. And while I've wondered what the alternative would have looked like, given the results of my decision, I couldn't be happier with what I did. Definitely, I do not regret it.
It doesn't matter what you're going through.... you don't blame your friends for your problems. Again, I was dealing with my mom's death, but you did not see me taking my problems and aggressions out on everyone around me. If anything, I leaned on them for that support that I needed, instead of pushing them away and blaming them for everything. When he did that, he showed me his true colors, and in that moment of clarity, it made him someone I didn't want to associate with.
You may wonder "What about all those fun memories between you two?" I have plenty of pictures to lean on to look back on (as well as the memories themselves). I always think fondly of him and I wouldn't wish anything but the best for him in his future. But when you decide to blame others for your transgressions, it's time to take a look at yourself.
I moved on without him. It was a lesson learned for me to those around me as well, as I only had one more experience with a friend breaking my trust down (and that blog is super recent). The point is, given how my life's turned out, I'd say I'm the lucky one here. : )
Alright, that's out of my brain. Always need clear thinking space, me thinks.
Until next time.
Comments
Post a Comment