Part 2: I Came Here on a Mission.
Exactly a month ago I published a blog talking about my first trip out here, and that it served a much grander purpose than to just share everything on Social Media. The important part was to just enjoy the moment.
Those words definitely have resonated through me the last month. I focus a lot more about being present and less thinking about the past or the future. It's led me to make some decisions regarding my life that have me in a really strange area of peace (one I may go into more detail on later). There's a lot of things changing in the coming weeks and months, changes I hope continue to drive this level of spirit that makes me feel a lot more at one with myself.
But, I digress, this blog isn't about that.
I came out here for a singular purpose this time. My friends, Kelson & Kylan, got married on June 11th. I was a groomsman in their wedding, a wedding I've been all-the-more anticipating since I snapped their engagement just a year ago. From the moment Kelson talked to me about tuxes coming from Men's Wearhouse and working the logistics so I could get fitted (mind you, he never officially asked me, he told me I was a groomsman, hahaha) I've been waiting for this past weekend to come like a kid waiting for Christmas.
I came out here on a mission.
I've been in weddings before. In fact, every wedding I've been to, I've been involved in somehow. I joked with Kylan that I don't know how to be a normal wedding guest, because I've either been a Best Man or a Groomsman at every wedding I've attended. But, at those weddings prior, I kept to myself mostly. I didn't talk much outside of what was asked for me, and the worst part, I didn't really mingle in with everyone else. Call it anxiety, nerves, social anxiety, all the like.... I always felt bad because I didn't know how to initiate the conversation. I didn't know where to pull common ground with other people who were a part of the party. With the lone exception of two of the weddings, I usually was in the wedding party where the only people I knew were the bride and groom themselves. Not that unusual of a fact, but very difficult is the fact that even way back, I battled heavily with social anxiety. Therefore, being in an environment where you have to be social, and all you can think about is not saying the wrong thing, not giving off the bad impression, turns into a situation where all you do is sit in the back and listen... and wait. Wait for what, you ask? Permission. Stupid, yes. But anxiety isn't about logic most of the time.
This time, I wanted things to be entirely different. I met a lot of Kelson & Kylan's friends the previous year when I went with them to church. In fact, I met both of their families, siblings, dogs even.... on top of their friends from home. And even in 2015, I still struggled with social anxiety, but I did my best to mingle and converse. I guess it helped.
What made me smile was the amount of love, support, friendship, and fellowship for both of them. There's no way I couldn't feel the amount of energy, all positive, for them in that space in that day. Truly an amazing feeling, one I didn't want to leave. I met so many amazing and cool people over the course of the week, from the other people in the wedding party, to friends and family of both Kelson & Kylan, to church members, and all the way around. Everyone was so welcoming, open, and just awesome to be around... it made it just all the more awesome and exciting to be a part of something like that. It made it all the more easy to have fun and just enjoy the moments. I even danced. That alone is an accomplishment.
Ultimately, I wanted to come here and not feel afraid to be a part of everything. I wanted to be present in the moment, enjoy the moment, appreciate everything around me, and just appreciate the fact that I was even here to begin with. I feel like I was truly able to do that. I guess in that sense, I accomplished the mission, and I have a cool glass to show for it.
As I sit here on my last night in Georgia (I fly back to California tomorrow night), I can't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. I'm sad because I'm leaving, and all I want to do is stay here. But I'm happy because I was able to come here and be a part of their big day, and I'm excited to get back home and just keep things going.
Those words definitely have resonated through me the last month. I focus a lot more about being present and less thinking about the past or the future. It's led me to make some decisions regarding my life that have me in a really strange area of peace (one I may go into more detail on later). There's a lot of things changing in the coming weeks and months, changes I hope continue to drive this level of spirit that makes me feel a lot more at one with myself.
But, I digress, this blog isn't about that.
I came out here for a singular purpose this time. My friends, Kelson & Kylan, got married on June 11th. I was a groomsman in their wedding, a wedding I've been all-the-more anticipating since I snapped their engagement just a year ago. From the moment Kelson talked to me about tuxes coming from Men's Wearhouse and working the logistics so I could get fitted (mind you, he never officially asked me, he told me I was a groomsman, hahaha) I've been waiting for this past weekend to come like a kid waiting for Christmas.
I came out here on a mission.
I've been in weddings before. In fact, every wedding I've been to, I've been involved in somehow. I joked with Kylan that I don't know how to be a normal wedding guest, because I've either been a Best Man or a Groomsman at every wedding I've attended. But, at those weddings prior, I kept to myself mostly. I didn't talk much outside of what was asked for me, and the worst part, I didn't really mingle in with everyone else. Call it anxiety, nerves, social anxiety, all the like.... I always felt bad because I didn't know how to initiate the conversation. I didn't know where to pull common ground with other people who were a part of the party. With the lone exception of two of the weddings, I usually was in the wedding party where the only people I knew were the bride and groom themselves. Not that unusual of a fact, but very difficult is the fact that even way back, I battled heavily with social anxiety. Therefore, being in an environment where you have to be social, and all you can think about is not saying the wrong thing, not giving off the bad impression, turns into a situation where all you do is sit in the back and listen... and wait. Wait for what, you ask? Permission. Stupid, yes. But anxiety isn't about logic most of the time.
This time, I wanted things to be entirely different. I met a lot of Kelson & Kylan's friends the previous year when I went with them to church. In fact, I met both of their families, siblings, dogs even.... on top of their friends from home. And even in 2015, I still struggled with social anxiety, but I did my best to mingle and converse. I guess it helped.
What made me smile was the amount of love, support, friendship, and fellowship for both of them. There's no way I couldn't feel the amount of energy, all positive, for them in that space in that day. Truly an amazing feeling, one I didn't want to leave. I met so many amazing and cool people over the course of the week, from the other people in the wedding party, to friends and family of both Kelson & Kylan, to church members, and all the way around. Everyone was so welcoming, open, and just awesome to be around... it made it just all the more awesome and exciting to be a part of something like that. It made it all the more easy to have fun and just enjoy the moments. I even danced. That alone is an accomplishment.
Ultimately, I wanted to come here and not feel afraid to be a part of everything. I wanted to be present in the moment, enjoy the moment, appreciate everything around me, and just appreciate the fact that I was even here to begin with. I feel like I was truly able to do that. I guess in that sense, I accomplished the mission, and I have a cool glass to show for it.
As I sit here on my last night in Georgia (I fly back to California tomorrow night), I can't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. I'm sad because I'm leaving, and all I want to do is stay here. But I'm happy because I was able to come here and be a part of their big day, and I'm excited to get back home and just keep things going.
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