Realistic vs. Idealistic.
The struggle has definitely been real as of late.
While I've done what I can to shy away from it, it's getting more difficult to do so.
I'm a realist. I'm a very realistic person. I reference myself as an "optimistic realist" because while I am overall an optimistic person at my deepest core and want to be overall positive, I'm still very realistic about what it takes to accomplish something. I don't think it's impossible, but I'm just very honest about the current situation. It becomes difficult to work in an environment where the idealistic thoughts overpower or overtake everything. "When the problems are fixed, we'll be here" or "This is only temporary, because when we get to this point...." or "In an ideal world,...." or something along those lines. In those situations, the realism of the situation goes out of the window and now all that's being discussed is the idealism of what's to come. I'm not saying it's unobtainable or impossible to get to that idealistic; I'm just very realistic about the situation overall, what the problem(s) are, what we should do, and opening up about what we can do to fix the problem(s).
I can't get into specifics, but it's gotten to a point where I feel like no one is listening to me when I actually do voice up my concerns. I feel like I talk, they nod, and either nothing happens or I'm completely disregarded. I know things don't change overnight, nor do I expect them to, but to add on to what's already a bad situation with no regard to the consequences makes it feel entirely worse, especially when it's myself that feels the adverse consequences of said actions. When I voice said concerns it feels as if it doesn't even matter. I will say that one thing that's definitely improved, however, is my willingness to speak up now, but I digress....
Tangent: I was told that I tend to over-process things, and in situations where I feel l'm going above and beyond, I'm just creating a lot more work for myself. In ways I can definitely see and understand that, and have worked on not putting myself in situations where that happens, although that doesn't change situations that I'm placed inside of, however (and that's a whole separate issue). But in recent events I've noticed a complete trend to over-think MY response to a situation, which then fuels the response. I actually brought this up at one point because I felt like it was creating a situation where I felt disadvantaged.
Fact About Me: What I ask is the face value of something. If I ask a question, it's because I'm curious of the outcome. Comes from my thirst of knowledge. However, it does not mean I'm going to act if it's a situation that requires action that can come from anyone and not just myself. More or less, it's for the knowledge bank so in the future, if I'm alone in the situation or it comes up, I can help guide or work through it.
It's from the above I feel like sometimes people tend to overlook or "over-talk" myself. I focus on the current situation and how to fix the problems in front of me, and less about the future and what it may or may not contain. It's possible that the future can be adversely or inversely affected by what the present holds, hence why I'm an optimistic realist. I also know I can't fix everything by myself, so I'm looking for help in situations where it's needed. What sucks is when you ask for that help and that still doesn't happen or take place. That is the point where my frustrations tend to boil over.
I'm in a situation now where stepping up and being a leader is important. I don't want to over-talk or overstep anyone, but I want to "right the ship," so to speak, before it capsizes. I want to situate the problems that are at hand, and fix them, with help, which invokes a lot of teaching opportunities. I want to rely on others in areas where I don't need hands-on with things, so everything moves smoothly. The disconnect comes in how that happens, which I'm struggling through now.
Plenty of situations have happened recently where I feel as though when I do talk and I do open that door, no one listens. It's a perpetual cycle where I feel that it isn't even worth it, and it's taking away my love for something I enjoy greatly. I guess part of it comes in how I was raised, where you let someone finish their thought or whatever, and then you chime in or continue forward..... not interrupting them mid-phrase or mid-breath effectively. It's more of an annoyance than anything else, but a good 90% of the time, it results in me either forgetting entirely what I was saying or my point, or me just shutting off and going into a subservient role, where all I do is listen. In my mind, if I'm constantly being over-talked, then I don't really know much about the given situation, and should simply listen to what's being said...... at least, that's how my mind justifies it in the end anyway. That's probably why I end up forgetting said thoughts, but again, I digress....
My overall concern right now is that nothing changes, everything gets worse, and the ones to blame don't take responsibility for the things that are happening. Overall it just sucks. It's hard to stay positive in a situation where you don't see or feel anything that will lead you to believe that it isn't forever or that it will never change. My problems and concerns now are being stuck in a place where the changes will never come and worst of all, I'll be held back from my true potential. I don't want to just "abandon ship" so to speak, but at the end of the day if you don't feel as though there's going to be some realistic changes -- and not just idealistic changes-- then it may be time to figure out some new steps moving forward.
Maybe all the above is just a mini-rant taking up space in my head, or just a lot of negative energy I need to put somewhere else so that it isn't in my mind. I just want to know, along the way, that the feelings I feel and the words I say are actually being heard, not just being dismissed. I want to know I can talk and someone will listen, whether that's a normal conversation, a discussion, concerns, or even a rant. It's enough for people to say that I matter to them; it's completely different for one to actually feel like I matter to them, and that I'm just not a worker they can depend on.
Until next time, folks.
While I've done what I can to shy away from it, it's getting more difficult to do so.
I'm a realist. I'm a very realistic person. I reference myself as an "optimistic realist" because while I am overall an optimistic person at my deepest core and want to be overall positive, I'm still very realistic about what it takes to accomplish something. I don't think it's impossible, but I'm just very honest about the current situation. It becomes difficult to work in an environment where the idealistic thoughts overpower or overtake everything. "When the problems are fixed, we'll be here" or "This is only temporary, because when we get to this point...." or "In an ideal world,...." or something along those lines. In those situations, the realism of the situation goes out of the window and now all that's being discussed is the idealism of what's to come. I'm not saying it's unobtainable or impossible to get to that idealistic; I'm just very realistic about the situation overall, what the problem(s) are, what we should do, and opening up about what we can do to fix the problem(s).
I can't get into specifics, but it's gotten to a point where I feel like no one is listening to me when I actually do voice up my concerns. I feel like I talk, they nod, and either nothing happens or I'm completely disregarded. I know things don't change overnight, nor do I expect them to, but to add on to what's already a bad situation with no regard to the consequences makes it feel entirely worse, especially when it's myself that feels the adverse consequences of said actions. When I voice said concerns it feels as if it doesn't even matter. I will say that one thing that's definitely improved, however, is my willingness to speak up now, but I digress....
Tangent: I was told that I tend to over-process things, and in situations where I feel l'm going above and beyond, I'm just creating a lot more work for myself. In ways I can definitely see and understand that, and have worked on not putting myself in situations where that happens, although that doesn't change situations that I'm placed inside of, however (and that's a whole separate issue). But in recent events I've noticed a complete trend to over-think MY response to a situation, which then fuels the response. I actually brought this up at one point because I felt like it was creating a situation where I felt disadvantaged.
Fact About Me: What I ask is the face value of something. If I ask a question, it's because I'm curious of the outcome. Comes from my thirst of knowledge. However, it does not mean I'm going to act if it's a situation that requires action that can come from anyone and not just myself. More or less, it's for the knowledge bank so in the future, if I'm alone in the situation or it comes up, I can help guide or work through it.
It's from the above I feel like sometimes people tend to overlook or "over-talk" myself. I focus on the current situation and how to fix the problems in front of me, and less about the future and what it may or may not contain. It's possible that the future can be adversely or inversely affected by what the present holds, hence why I'm an optimistic realist. I also know I can't fix everything by myself, so I'm looking for help in situations where it's needed. What sucks is when you ask for that help and that still doesn't happen or take place. That is the point where my frustrations tend to boil over.
I'm in a situation now where stepping up and being a leader is important. I don't want to over-talk or overstep anyone, but I want to "right the ship," so to speak, before it capsizes. I want to situate the problems that are at hand, and fix them, with help, which invokes a lot of teaching opportunities. I want to rely on others in areas where I don't need hands-on with things, so everything moves smoothly. The disconnect comes in how that happens, which I'm struggling through now.
Plenty of situations have happened recently where I feel as though when I do talk and I do open that door, no one listens. It's a perpetual cycle where I feel that it isn't even worth it, and it's taking away my love for something I enjoy greatly. I guess part of it comes in how I was raised, where you let someone finish their thought or whatever, and then you chime in or continue forward..... not interrupting them mid-phrase or mid-breath effectively. It's more of an annoyance than anything else, but a good 90% of the time, it results in me either forgetting entirely what I was saying or my point, or me just shutting off and going into a subservient role, where all I do is listen. In my mind, if I'm constantly being over-talked, then I don't really know much about the given situation, and should simply listen to what's being said...... at least, that's how my mind justifies it in the end anyway. That's probably why I end up forgetting said thoughts, but again, I digress....
My overall concern right now is that nothing changes, everything gets worse, and the ones to blame don't take responsibility for the things that are happening. Overall it just sucks. It's hard to stay positive in a situation where you don't see or feel anything that will lead you to believe that it isn't forever or that it will never change. My problems and concerns now are being stuck in a place where the changes will never come and worst of all, I'll be held back from my true potential. I don't want to just "abandon ship" so to speak, but at the end of the day if you don't feel as though there's going to be some realistic changes -- and not just idealistic changes-- then it may be time to figure out some new steps moving forward.
Maybe all the above is just a mini-rant taking up space in my head, or just a lot of negative energy I need to put somewhere else so that it isn't in my mind. I just want to know, along the way, that the feelings I feel and the words I say are actually being heard, not just being dismissed. I want to know I can talk and someone will listen, whether that's a normal conversation, a discussion, concerns, or even a rant. It's enough for people to say that I matter to them; it's completely different for one to actually feel like I matter to them, and that I'm just not a worker they can depend on.
Until next time, folks.
Comments
Post a Comment