Not This September.
September 1st.
Lots of times I look at this date with a lot of dread. You see, ever September, I walk into this month with a force, almost knowing I'm going to come out of it mentally exhausted. Lots of things seem to always happen throughout the month that lead me to a state of confusion, mental dehydration, and just a yearning for the end of the year. And every year I try to take a different approach into it, hoping that something will stick, that something will work.
So I looked at the month in general. What happens during September? What about it makes it such an off month for me? There isn't anything in specifics that's happened during that month in years past. I haven't ended up in any weird positions that make this month one of my worsts during the year. There isn't much that ever has happened, saved for a lot of birthdays during the month.
August for me, this year, was a roller coaster of emotions and feelings that I finally had to start dealing with for, probably, the first time truthfully. Lots of admission, lots of soul-seeking, and a lot of spiritual divulging to, in a way, get back to my authentic self. I took a look at who I am and what I bring to the table, in hopes to find out the root cause for a lot of my mental anguish.
A lot of the times, what I found is my overall lack of focused attention to myself to be the primary cause. I've been told that I have a "genuine soul", one that cares a lot for others and looks for the good. Honesty comes with that as well, and there's an overall drive for the success of those around you and within a team aspect. A lot of times though, what goes unnoticed are personal feelings from within. Those moments where you feel the most stressed and just want a moment to gather it in? You push it off. That moment to take a breather? Nope, just keep going.
There's also a dependability aspect. When you're dependable and hard-working, it becomes expected of you instead of appreciated. I feel that constantly, where the tasks I do or the moments I go well above and beyond are simply expected, and not appreciated. I feel those moments, where I do what I can, aren't appreciated as they should be. In earnest, I just feel more overworked than appreciated a lot of the time.
It all comes down to the delivery. You can figure out all the problems all day until you're blue in the face but it does nothing unless you confront and control the issues at hand.
So.... what about September? What does all of the above have to do with a change?
I look at things now a bit differently. I accept my flaws as that and look for ways to improve them. I have my bad days, but I don't try to hide them anymore; I accept them as such and as a part of life. There will be days where I don't feel at 100%, but it's how I approach them -- and what I do in those moments -- that help with the come-around.
I'm about the small things in life. I enjoy those moments. I look for ways to express that creative outlet, this blog being one of them. I accept the challenges placed in front of me and work to improve and carry on. I don't accept something as a handout, nor do I work blindly. Above all else, I aim to stick to my truly authentic self.
I want to walk into the month knowing that there will be things that happen that I won't like. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Nothing should be perfect. One bad thing won't ruin my life, nor my week or even day. In those moments it's important to realize the microcosm of it all and learn from it. I think in trying to look for the lesson in things, you learn how not to let it happen again to you, instead of focusing solely on the negative aspects of it all.
Take today for instance. There was a mixture of emotions & feelings that took place. In moments I felt happy and totally complicit. In others I felt confused. In some I was sad and felt down on my luck. Other moments were filled with vented frustrations in areas I was more confused than sad on. I smiled at the joy I brought to someone with a simply gesture. Lots of emotions and ups and downs.
I'm going to be home alone for the next 6 days as my parents are taking a short trip to visit family. I'll be here managing things on my own, and it'll be a time for me to really think on things. I won't feel restricted. And I think it'll be a great start to the month overall, as I'll have that time. If anything, I have a car to work on sitting in my driveway.
A bad September? Honestly, I don't feel it happening. Not this September.
Lots of times I look at this date with a lot of dread. You see, ever September, I walk into this month with a force, almost knowing I'm going to come out of it mentally exhausted. Lots of things seem to always happen throughout the month that lead me to a state of confusion, mental dehydration, and just a yearning for the end of the year. And every year I try to take a different approach into it, hoping that something will stick, that something will work.
So I looked at the month in general. What happens during September? What about it makes it such an off month for me? There isn't anything in specifics that's happened during that month in years past. I haven't ended up in any weird positions that make this month one of my worsts during the year. There isn't much that ever has happened, saved for a lot of birthdays during the month.
August for me, this year, was a roller coaster of emotions and feelings that I finally had to start dealing with for, probably, the first time truthfully. Lots of admission, lots of soul-seeking, and a lot of spiritual divulging to, in a way, get back to my authentic self. I took a look at who I am and what I bring to the table, in hopes to find out the root cause for a lot of my mental anguish.
A lot of the times, what I found is my overall lack of focused attention to myself to be the primary cause. I've been told that I have a "genuine soul", one that cares a lot for others and looks for the good. Honesty comes with that as well, and there's an overall drive for the success of those around you and within a team aspect. A lot of times though, what goes unnoticed are personal feelings from within. Those moments where you feel the most stressed and just want a moment to gather it in? You push it off. That moment to take a breather? Nope, just keep going.
There's also a dependability aspect. When you're dependable and hard-working, it becomes expected of you instead of appreciated. I feel that constantly, where the tasks I do or the moments I go well above and beyond are simply expected, and not appreciated. I feel those moments, where I do what I can, aren't appreciated as they should be. In earnest, I just feel more overworked than appreciated a lot of the time.
It all comes down to the delivery. You can figure out all the problems all day until you're blue in the face but it does nothing unless you confront and control the issues at hand.
So.... what about September? What does all of the above have to do with a change?
I look at things now a bit differently. I accept my flaws as that and look for ways to improve them. I have my bad days, but I don't try to hide them anymore; I accept them as such and as a part of life. There will be days where I don't feel at 100%, but it's how I approach them -- and what I do in those moments -- that help with the come-around.
I'm about the small things in life. I enjoy those moments. I look for ways to express that creative outlet, this blog being one of them. I accept the challenges placed in front of me and work to improve and carry on. I don't accept something as a handout, nor do I work blindly. Above all else, I aim to stick to my truly authentic self.
I want to walk into the month knowing that there will be things that happen that I won't like. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Nothing should be perfect. One bad thing won't ruin my life, nor my week or even day. In those moments it's important to realize the microcosm of it all and learn from it. I think in trying to look for the lesson in things, you learn how not to let it happen again to you, instead of focusing solely on the negative aspects of it all.
Take today for instance. There was a mixture of emotions & feelings that took place. In moments I felt happy and totally complicit. In others I felt confused. In some I was sad and felt down on my luck. Other moments were filled with vented frustrations in areas I was more confused than sad on. I smiled at the joy I brought to someone with a simply gesture. Lots of emotions and ups and downs.
I'm going to be home alone for the next 6 days as my parents are taking a short trip to visit family. I'll be here managing things on my own, and it'll be a time for me to really think on things. I won't feel restricted. And I think it'll be a great start to the month overall, as I'll have that time. If anything, I have a car to work on sitting in my driveway.
A bad September? Honestly, I don't feel it happening. Not this September.
Comments
Post a Comment